Roberts Perspective:

From the time Mireille and I returned from Las Vegas, we spent nearly every waking moment together. Timing was better the second time around and felt like everything between us had begun to fall into place. In a strange way, it was like I had been let into the inner circle. I knew Mireille had a lot of friends but her bench goes deep. Seriously, there’s nearly 100 people she seems to keep up with routinely. I on the other hand have, 5 – 6 pretty tight friends. This is the difference between guys and girls but just my perspective. Meeting her friends was like a really long interview, 1000’s of questions, and multiple stakeholders in each stage of the evaluation, all of which had a say whether or not I was qualified to date their “best friend”. I mean, how do you have 1000 best friends?!?!

We spent the evenings staying up and riding into work the next day together, late of course. Sometimes when I think about how we got back together I’m still amazed at how everything just kind of worked out. Additionally, how fast everything in life began to progress.

Meeting the family (In my best Italian voice): Part of Mireille’s family does and annual trip to Michigan to a small place called Drummond Island. When we landed in Michigan we jumped in a rental headed roughly 4 hours north. We weren’t in a rush and made the most of our time together stopping along the way to take in the sights. I’d never been to the great state of Michigan before it was an opportunity to see where Mireille’s family had vacationed for a period of her life when she was younger. If you’ve never heard of Drummond Island, I wouldn’t be surprised. It hugs the Canadian/US boarder pretty close. To get to the actual island we had to put our car on a quick ferry trip across the water, couple hundred yards at best. When we arrived, her family had rented quaint little cabin on Lake Erie. We spent the next 4 – 5 days visiting family, eating too much and staying up way too late. I do enjoy the outdoors in small doses but reality is Mireille and I are city people and Drummond Island is well, a little rural. On the final day, we said our goodbye’s and on the brink of finally becoming island people we headed back south towards city lights, smog and premium coffee. Ahh…culture.

More Friends, Great…: The following weekend we went to see another group of friends, this time in Charlotte, NC. When we were driving up there, I remember asking Mireille a few generic questions one of which her favorite color. She responded “What are you trying to get to know me or something?” kidding about the intent of the question. I add this to provide a little perspective around the newness of our relationship. Where you’re just trying to figure out who the other person is and where their interests lie. We both laughed and continued driving. When we arrived in Charlotte, Mireille took me around all of the places she used to hang out, where she worked and we visited some of her old friends. Mireille comes from a broken home and as the list of friends kept growing, I realized how significant each person was to her and the role’s each played within each phase of her life. This was her family and it dawned on me that she looked to them in very much the same way anyone would look to their closest confidants for approval and direction. I had begun to develop a deep sense of appreciation for her friendships and how they had shaped her into the person she had become.

Part of me left this trip with a new appreciation for Mireille and her friends before I entered into the equation, and the other part was very wrapped up in honeymoon phase of our own relationship clouded by this newly developing love and appreciation for her. Like every weekend leading up to this one, we said our goodbye’s and headed back towards Atlanta. When we were driving back from North Carolina, Mireille nervously looked over and told me that she could be pregnant. Thinking it through, it was this exact moment I really wish I knew what her favorite color was… Mireille and I had technically only been dating a few months at the time. As we made our way closer to Atlanta, we stopped in to a grocery store and picked up a pregnancy test. Once arriving at home Mireille asked if she should take the test. I said, if you have serious concerns you could be pregnant we should know so we can figure out how we’re going to break the news to our families. I will never forget the moment she went into the bathroom. I was standing at the counter cutting an avocado and before I could finish cutting said avocado, she came out of the bathroom with a pail look on her face. I looked down at her hand and saw the results:”pregnant”. Her hands were trembling. My response was something to the effect of “are you serious?” Not in a bad way, just in a let me wrap my head around it kind of way. I grabbed her and hugged her tight reassuring her that everything was going to be alright. Lets talk about the efficiency of this pregnancy test for a second: Its safe to say this technology is dialed in. I’ve never seen any results in any aspect of my life come back as fast as that pregnancy test. Usain Bolt can’t run a 40 yard dash faster than the pregnancy results, serious. 100% pregnant, no questions asked.

Once everything settled down, I asked Mireille if I could step out back for a few minutes. At the time, I was still a smoker…yeah yeah I hear your health risk talk track but now was not the time. Life had just thrown a curveball. So with this crutch in mind, I went outside to think for a few minutes. I’m just going to put it out there I smoked 3 cigarettes back to back, hell I lit one right off the next. There was a lot to think about. I was going to be a father. Father? Hearing it sounds different and new, and something I hadn’t spent a great deal of time thinking about as a man. There are 5 in my immediate family and knew I’d always want a family, but was I ready to do this? Would I be as good a parent as my own parents? By myself, I thought about how quickly life had just changed and what any man would do in my situation. I ran through everything we had been through over the past 5 months and realize there was only one thing to do. I love her.

Mireille’s perspective:

When we got back from Vegas it was like I came back to a completely different life. Everything was the same in the physical setting; I still went to work, ate the same food, talked to the same people, yet it was all so completely different. Robert and I spent every minute together and it felt like I had a partner in life, someone who was alongside me. He met my friends (like all my friends) throughout various weekends and trips.

I took Robert to Carrollton where we were having a large gathering where most of the girls with their guys, were going to be. Carrollton houses the University of West Georgia, where I went to college, so it is very near and dear to me. It was important to show Robert everything in my life that holds a special place because it helped build the person I am, and in my opinion, would help him understand who I was, as we were in the process of figuring each other out.  We took a trip up to Charlotte where I have a few very dear friends that I honestly view as an extension of my family. I guess I have always felt this way. Growing up, it was only my mom, my brother, and myself. Most of the time I felt like the other parent helping raise my brother with my mom, and always longed for a big family, or people surrounding me. I found the beginning of this journey the day I pledged my sorority (AXiD shout out). I immediately found my home where I connected to people like I never had before except for a very select few in high school. Not a day has gone by that we don’t talk (we have a group chat going on 10 years now), so it was important that we all know every detail of each other’s lives. Every time I moved to a different city, I connected with certain people in a special way, and value these friendships so much, I want to always be in touch and have them forever, that is important to me. Each group of people played a specific role in my development and who I am as a person, and we shared such a connection in life that it’s important to me to not let that go. My friends in Charlotte needed to meet Robert because they were with my during my most difficult time in life (my quarter-life crisis that you might hear about in snippets) and I relied on them so much for love and support, and really just being there for me. Robert did later meet my girls in New York who are also very dear to me… I needed my close friends to know everything and this was part of it… meeting my future.

About 3 weeks into dating I asked Robert if he would want to take a road trip. I realize this was a little crazy, but honestly, it never felt like it. My stepdad had a cabin on Drummond Island and wanted me to come visit. I thought, why not, Robert will probably be game, let’s do it. Nothing like taking a huge trip with someone you kind of know, to meet your family… in the wilderness. What exactly was I thinking? The only thing that pops in my head sometimes with things like this is that life is too short, so why not do what you want. (This also applies to clothes, sorry Robert YOLO) Take the chance, buy the shoes, eat the cookies, let your kids stay up late.

In continuation of my friends knowing everything about me, is that we know everything about each other, including when we are you know, late. I was a week late and my friends kept bugging me to take a pregnancy test. That’s crazy, I’m sure it’s fine. The true Gemini in me is completely contradictory always; being structured and anxious about some things and completely laid back about others. So I pushed it out of my mind and kept living life haha. When we took a trip to Charlotte, I was going on two weeks. I’ll never forget my friend Michelle told me that my face looked different and she knew deep down that I was pregnant. Not to get into too many details, but I was crampy and felt like, oh ok, period is coming, it’s fine. As Robert and I drove back to Georgia, we talked about the future. Like what if I was pregnant, but neither of us had been through something like this before, so we didn’t take it too seriously. When we got back in town, we decided I would take a test just to have some piece of mind. Then life would get back to normal again, you know, on track to what we were planning… like getting to know each other.

I have never taken a pregnancy test in my entire life before this moment, so I wasn’t sure how to feel. I did know that I wanted kids in life, I’ve been thinking about them since I was a little girl. I was never a gushy baby person though, but something happened to me when I turned 29 and I legit craved it more than ever. Sorry to the guys reading this, but hey, here is some insight to women if you want some. I took the test and it was immediate. I didn’t look down for a minute. I paused, put my hand on the door and glanced at it right before I opened the door to go show Robert. We got the words one so there would be no confusion with lines. It said pregnant.

It was like I was frozen in time. Every single emotion and memory washed over me. My heart was beating so fast, I was hot, yet I was frozen. I was terrified. I shuffled towards him and showed him, hand was shaking. He simply said, ‘Are you serious’. We hugged and then I think we needed to process this independently. We decided I would go to my place since I needed to get all my work stuff for the week and he would come over shortly. I needed to be alone for a little while, and I guess resort to that when something in life shakes me or is upsetting, it’s my comfort zone. I drove home, in the dark with no music, and immediately feeling different in a magnitude I had never felt before. I remember not wanting to move, because what if I did something to hurt it. That sounds crazy but that is what I was thinking in that moment, I knew my life was not my own anymore. I am not religious so the driving force behind my thought process (just for reference) was that I was going to give this child everything I never had and more, which included two parents that were committed to each other. This was the only option, and nothing else really ever went through my mind. No other life option. Not see if we would make it work and if not, raise a child jointly. No, we were going to be together and raise this child. I have questioned every single thing in my entire life up until this point, but for some reason I didn’t question any of this, or the direction I knew we would take. I knew him 5 months. I loved him and more importantly, to me, he loved me in the way I knew was the right way to love someone and would later teach me so much about that, and that is all I needed.

I didn’t tell a soul that night, I needed this to be mine for a minute. Robert came over a few hours later and we barely said a word all night. I remember we were laying in my bed side by side, staring at the ceiling, and holding hands in silence. And I think we fell asleep that way.

Robert’s Perspective

What can I say, I was left scratching my head wondering where I could have gone wrong and how our relationship unraveled so quickly. I felt like everything was progressing in the right direction but you can’t change the heart. The difficult thing about a breakup is that it’s never mutual. I’m not embarrassed to admit the initiator was not me in this case. My position never changed, not once. To complicate matters, we sat directly across from each other at work. Yeah, really second guessing dating in the workplace at this point… I think awkward would hardly describe the next couple of weeks. Fortunately, I was being promoted and my territory was now Northern California which included not only a seat change at work but extensive travel as well. Thank. The. Lord. Couldn’t have come at a better time. The difference in this relationship and previous relationships is we weren’t angry or upset with each other. It just wasn’t our time and knew the best thing to do would be to let her go. If it was meant to be she would return and timing would prove to be more on our side at the appropriate time.

I did what any man does in my situation and buried myself in work and 2 a days at the gym. Heck, I was running in the morning and lifting weights in the afternoon. Nothing like leaning up a bit when you’re single….

Mireille and I went through a period where we didn’t speak but were always cordial in passing work. I knew as much as I wanted to tell her how I felt, it would only fall on deaf ears. Timing wasn’t right. Period. I don’t know what else to say. Life as I knew it went on and I continued to do what I could at work and to acclimate to my new territory.  About a six weeks had passed from our breakup when I was notified I would be attending a trade show in Las Vegas the following month. When I went to look at who would be attending the show from work that week, you’ll never guess who’s name showed up. Thats right Mireille. What the hell.

A day or two passed when Mireille and I began speaking again, specifically about Las Vegas. Additionally, she notified me while in Vegas she would be turning 30 years old. Hmm…seems like a great time to say the least. For whatever reason, whether it was the simple fact we were going to an event together or if I had given her enough breathing room, all of the sudden we began to strike up a conversations again. With a week to go, we were speaking just about every day. Odd to say the least but I wasn’t complaining.

The day we were flying to Las Vegas, I went to the house she was living in and was getting everything packed up to leave. Georgia (Now our dog) was needing some water when I reached down to pick up her bowl and felt a slight film on the inside of the bowl. Doing what anyone would do, I decided as opposed to just refilling, I would take a few minutes to wash the bowl. Mireille at this time had walked out to the back porch and saw me washing the bowl. I wouldn’t include this trivial detail other than the fact that Mireille later told me this was the moment she realized I was different. Well, I guess its the little things in life. I looked out the window and saw her staring at me with a look I hadn’t seen in quite some time.

We packed up and left the house towards the airport. When we arrived, Mireille was on the phone with her mother pacing around comforting her that everything was going to be alright and that she would speak to her when she landed. I asked to speak with her mother, took the phone and walked away for a few minutes. Often times people need someone who portrays confidence to provide piece of mind. I calmed her mother about the flight, hung up the phone and we boarded the plane.

When Mireille and I boarded the flight we weren’t scheduled to sit next to each other so doing what I do best, I began to negotiate a seat change with other patrons on the plane. I was successful in my attempt and sat next to the most beautiful girl in the world. The plane drove out on the tarmac and began our departure. Just before the plane gathered enough speed to lift the front wheels off the ground, Mireille reached over and grabbed my hand. She was nervous about flying.

Mireille’s perspective:

I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, but part of me resorted back to the past with rose colored glasses and pushing people away. If you know me personally, you can probably read between the lines. I knew I was ready to settle down, but was searching for the right person so much that I got caught up in the concept and didn’t realize he was right in front of me. When I finally let go of all of that, it happened naturally, which most people are probably like hello, yes. But I had control issues I suppose.

Things were going well and I got a new position at work, one I was actually good at. It was a Channel Manager, and it wasn’t selling to people directly, it was teaching others and getting partner teams excited how to sell our product. That I could do, and I thrived at it. Thank goodness because Robert was no longer doing my work for me coaching me. Robert got a new position and moved across the office. We were still on the same kickball team and still all went out to Friday lunch together, so it’s not like it was easy to avoid each other. But the interesting thing was, I didn’t want or need to. We started talking more and I remember thinking how easy it was and I was so thankful he wasn’t pushy with me because I knew how he felt, he just let me be. Most guys I knew either over compensated because their ego was rejected, or became an ass. He was just his calm and silently confident self, and would still look at me with the most genuine eyes that I felt truly saw me and appreciated me for me. I say all this because I believe this all brought me back around organically.

A group of people were selected to run a trade show in Vegas. This wasn’t uncommon, they alternated groups of people all the time to go to trade shows, but usually they were the sales people. I had gone into Channel but I was not going to complain. Getting to travel and not be in the office with fun people, and over my 30th birthday, this was living. I saw that Robert was going and the first thought that came to my mind was comfort. He has this ability to make me feel so calm in any situation. (This would prove to come in handy later when having a colicky baby.) I was so excited he was going because I just genuinely wanted to be around him. We talked about Vegas and planning for the trip. He told me we were going to stay an extra night and organized those plans. I wanted someone that just took charge, in a care taking way. The funny thing is that it’s obvious we would be staying together but I didn’t question or think twice about it. I just kind of let it happen. I wasn’t crazy about turning 30, my whole plan in life to be married with kids at 30 was something I had to let go of long ago, and what is crazy is that the first time I felt truly ok with that, was when I felt like I had Robert by my side. Like he just wanted to be with me in this journey of life and it made me forget about rules and labels that I used to care about. He was letting me enjoy what life is truly about and truly feel out the me that I needed to be, by just being in my life… I really don’t think he knew or intended this.

The day we were flying out to Vegas, Robert came by to pick me up. We ate lunch at my house on the back porch while we were packing everything up. He went inside to fill Georgia’s water bowl up and I could see him through the window. He didn’t just grab it and fill it up, he was washing it out first. Never in my entire life would I expect a guy to pay close enough attention to do this. It was a little bit about the fact that he did it, but more about the cognitive attention he embodied. Robert wasn’t even a dog person (he is now and had to come around). I knew in that exact moment that he was different and that I loved and appreciated his attention to detail and caring, but more importantly, to me. This is the kind of person I was looking for. This was the part of the ‘more’.

I guess I was seeing everything differently now, but he was what I wanted. I didn’t need breathing room, I didn’t need someone else, I needed him and I finally saw it. He arranged for our seats to be next to each other, and I was so glad he just made things happen, and is so smooth about doing so. Our plane was taking off and even though I was a flight attendant for 2 years in my 20’s, I am nervous every single take-off (because that’s the crucial part…I learned enough in training to know. Either they crash or they don’t). I reached over and grabbed his hand… this trip was going to be amazing.